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About Varied / Artist Premium Member Chloe19/Female/United Kingdom Groups :iconegyptian-deities: Egyptian-Deities
Egyptian Mythology fans welcome!
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Feeling Really Drained

Journal Entry: Sat Oct 18, 2014, 3:47 PM


Well, I'll try to keep this short and sharp, as I don't have a lot of energy. University is eating all of my energy, not that I had much of it in the first place. Just getting up each day, my depression and my illnesses exhaust me…Let alone going to uni for 5 days a week. I'm enjoying it, it's just pretty tiring. The work load is huge too. And it's only going to get bigger over the three years. I guess I'll get used to it, I'll have to. It's just hard going to uni and having pretty bad energy taking diseases/illnesses. But there's nothing I can do about it really.

As you can probably tell from a lot of my recent journals my depression is pretty strong again. And very erratic (Up and down) constantly. I wish I could control my emotions again, I was actually getting pretty good at it. But lately it's all got on top of me again. The anti D's seem to have less and less affect sometimes. And then some days I feel totally numb. But as I said before, it's getting out of hand again. I haven't been to counselling for weeks, but I haven't got time for it right now with Uni on. I may see her during Christmas break. But…I'll have to see. I could use it, but weather I get the time for it is another matter. All of my teachers that are aware of all my history have told me to pace myself out, and not to worry about deadlines and that I can get extensions and things as I am more than entitled to them. But…I don't know, I'm just under a whole lot of pressure right now…Mostly from myself.

My lungs are getting worse again, they always do around Autumn and Winter. It's the worst time of year for a lot of people with lung problems. But I get infections all year, so I never know when they are going to strike. But I'm starting to have really thick phlegm blocking my throat again. It's horrible waking up not breathing properly and then throwing up thick white phlegm into the sink every morning that's like glue…But hey…I'm used to it haha…Told you my diseases are similar to Cystic Fibrosis. I cough all day as it is haha. My arthritis is on and off really, bad most days, but I'm coping with that not to badly. 

Um in terms of the whole religion and sexuality thing, I really don't know what to make of it all still. I've been trying not to worry about it too much, and when I know I'll know. But yeah it's um, pretty annoying having those niggling feelings. It's pretty difficult being mentally single too for the first time in 4/5 years. Physically I was single I guess, but mentally and emotionally I haven't been for a long time. It's scary, but I'm coping. I still think I made the sensible decision in terms of me calling things off. I won't go into why and what happened as I said before. But yeah I'm struggling I guess, more than I thought I would. It's starting to take it's toll. But my decision will still stand firm. I know it's better for the both of us. And we're still friends so I can't really complain. But the depression is playing on a lot of the insecurities and thoughts I'm having to do with that area right now. 

I think that's why I'm not really trying to draw anything Egyptian, that's why I think I changed my username too and put a LOT of my pictures and all my writing into storage. I just need it all out of the way at the moment whilst I adjust to my new life. 

I often find myself shaking like mad most days now, in panics and just shivering. I don't really eat a lot anymore either. I barely eat at Uni. I don't have breakfast either. so it's occasionally lunch. And dinner. I just…I'm not coping I don't think but I don't like to admit I'm not. I'm only going into my 4th week of uni on Monday and it's already taking it's toll on me. Throwing up phlegm every morning and literally shivering a lot of the day out of sheer nervousness…Yet in my mind I'm completely numb. So pretty weird stuff going on...

I um…don't really know what to say to be honest, I'm sorry you all have to put with a wreck like me. I just…Don't know what to do anymore. 

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Chloe
Artist | Varied
United Kingdom
I'm a moose lover by pjuk I love Moose by WishmasterAlchemist I love Snails by WishmasterAlchemist I love Achatina by WishmasterAlchemist I love Corn Snakes by WishmasterAlchemist I love Milk Snakes by WishmasterAlchemist I love Boa Constrictors by WishmasterAlchemist I love Ball Pythons by WishmasterAlchemist I love Piebald Pythons by WishmasterAlchemist I love Crested Geckos by WishmasterAlchemist

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:iconwolfspirit395:
wolfspirit395 Featured By Owner 6 days ago  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
hey egypt! how are you :D haven't spoken to you in a while, how is everything ? and i see you changed your name on here again :) :meow: :la:
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:iconwintercabin:
WinterCabin Featured By Owner 5 days ago   General Artist
Hey long time no speak :) Yeah circumstances made me change it :)
Honestly right now things are really quite rough. but I'll get through it :)
Reply
:icontomas-brian:
tomas-brian Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2014  New member Professional Filmographer
Hi, I'm glad to have found an European artist. :) Sometimes it feels we are few and far between.
I like the direction your art is going plus it's good to learn some more about the Egyptian mythology. I was into it some time ago but then just wandered into fantasy.
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:iconwintercabin:
WinterCabin Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2014   General Artist
Yeah you don't see many around :)
Thank you very much :) That means a lot!
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:iconbrandon1920:
Brandon1920 Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2014
Hi! Thanks for the fave!
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:iconwintercabin:
WinterCabin Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2014   General Artist
You are most welcome :) Anytime at all.
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:icondragonsnake9989:
DragonSnake9989 Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I sent an angel to watch over you last night but it came back.
I asked, "why?"
The angel said, "angels don't watch over angels."
Twenty one angels are IN your world.
Ten of them are sleeping, Ten are playing, one is reading this message.
Send this to ten friends including me.
I guess if I don't get it back I'm not one of them. As soon as you get five replies someone you love will quietly surprise you.
Please read, not joking. God has seen you struggling with something. God says it's over. A blessing is coming your way. If you believe in God send this message on. Please don't ignore it. You are being tested. God is going to fix two things BIG tonight in your favor. DROP everything and pass it on. Tomorrow will be the best day of your life. Don't break this chain. Send this to 14 friends in 10 minutes. It's not that hard.
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:iconsilverwolf1717:
SilverWolf1717 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2014  Student Artist
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:iconkaibutsu00:
kaibutsu00 Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014
Hi, i love your stories and art ^^ And hey, Happy birthday!! 
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:iconwintercabin:
WinterCabin Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2014   General Artist
Thank you :hug:
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:iconnocturnejewel:
NocturneJewel Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2014
Happy belated birthday to you dear girl! :D When-the-dreams-come-true ! by KmyGraphic
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:iconwintercabin:
WinterCabin Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2014   General Artist
Thank you very much :hug:
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:iconnocturnejewel:
NocturneJewel Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2014
Roseborder Welcome by Sugaree33-Art
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:iconahkilah:
Ahkilah Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Happy happy happy late Birthday!!!! :'D
:iconpartehplz:
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:iconwintercabin:
WinterCabin Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2014   General Artist
Thank you :hug:
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:iconseekhim:
SeekHim Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2014

I just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday!

GOD bless you now and always.

John 3:16

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:iconwintercabin:
WinterCabin Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2014   General Artist
Thank you :hug:
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:iconxcamorothnacarax:
XCamorothNacaraX Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're probably not on, or ever going to be on....but happy birthday!  :D
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:iconwintercabin:
WinterCabin Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2014   General Artist
Thank you :hug:
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